How to stop self-sabotaging

We’re going to reconnect with what self-sabotage is as it relates to attachments or maybe when you've lost your mojo. Which is largely seeking out negative behaviour that causes you to be unhappy. I have spoken before about what the vessel of self-sabotage is. It’s tricksy and doesn’t go anywhere. Probably you have read the work vessel, you connected with it, it has connected with the word and it says ‘’oh we don’t have time to read this now, we’ll come back to it’’. That is classic self-sabotage vessel feeding behaviour. So if you think now that you don’t have time to read this post, HELL YES YOU HAVE!

How to Stop self-sabotaging 

STOP

This important step really is what it says on the tin, STOP.

Once you are aware that a decision is being driven by the vessel, then you need to stop to consider what is really going on.  Your vessel will try to keep going on autopilot, like a zombie heading to the fridge for food and unconsciously eating before you’ve thought about it. We need to make sure now that we are taking that control.

So whatever the situation, you’ve caught your vessel red-handed, trying to lead a decision that will bring negativity. Even when it is not obvious. You have caught your vessel red-handed before it has engaged in its sneaky behaviour.

You need to then take the time to consciously evaluate the decision in terms of self-sabotage. Whatever the decision is that you think your vessel is trying to take over, I want you to ask yourself: Will the decision make you feel awesome, proud and positive for the duration or can you see the scope for negativity?

To simplify: Are you going to feel awesome in that moment when you made that decision, but is there a duration after the decision is first made where you might feel regret or shame or any negativity towards yourself? For example, when I mentioned food and the fridge, you might have that high when you ate something. A minute or two later you think to yourself ‘’why did I do that, why did I break the food that I was trying to stick to’’. Or why haven’t you done that thing on the to-do list, why have you procrastinated.

In the moment it felt great when you are researching something on the internet or gone down a TikTok rabbit hole. Then the duration happens, it starts to creep in. ‘’I’ve done it again, haven’t been productive, didn’t hit my daily goals, didn’t stick to what I said I was going to do. When you make your evaluation, when you are stopping and said ‘’Who’s driving this decision, am I doing this to feel awesome in the moment or just in the immediate part’’?

An example of this from a client, who I was working with her on redefining success, which she had experienced in her business, yet her personal life wasn’t seeing the same level of happiness. Specifically with her health. She knew what food was great for her to eat. She knew what exercise would be great for her to do. It wasn’t an information issue or a lack of knowledge. But her vessel was in control and specifically, she was attached to feelings of deprivation. Because she wanted to open up her heart and be in a loving relationship. Her conscious mind wanted to.

Her vessel was driven to keep her feeling deprived of the one thing that she was looking for love. Her vessel could only stay valid and alive if she kept feeling like she couldn’t be loved, which in turn triggered her to use food as comfort and a substitute for love.

This is where the cycle starts because her vessel was in control. She wanted love, then she felt undeserving, so she ate more food. Which then in turn retriggered that she wasn’t good enough to be loved because she couldn’t keep to her conscious mind word of the goals that she had set herself with eating and exercise. So how would her vessel be sneaky? Vessels love keeping you stuck. You end up in this never-ending loop of ‘’I’ve done that now there for, then I don’t get the thing I want to etc.’’ They want you to loop.

So how did she break this loop? When she came to schedule time with her clients she a.k.a. her vessel had a habit when you look at her schedule, made sure that she had very limited time for lunch in her schedule. By creating limited times over lunch in her schedule, so she didn’t have the required time to prep what she wanted to be eating, and then the vessel told her it was okay to grab something on the go, because she was busy being busy, that’s the sneaky part. By her vessel unconsciously helping her make her lunchtime window so small that she couldn’t properly eat lunch. It was then perfectly valid and reasonable for her to grab whatever she needed.

What she needed to do was step 1, be aware of when the vessel was actually creating these future situations where she would self sabotage her goals on eating, and then STOP. Because she was planning months in advance so she always had an excuse like ‘’well this is my schedule for the next month’’. She needed to be aware of it and STOP. Take a beat and stop and check-in. To check-in when scheduling appointments, who was doing this, her vessel so in the future, she would have a reason to self-sabotage or her powerful self. Then she had to move on to the next step which is ACT.

ACT

By becoming aware of your previous subconscious tendencies that have led to self-sabotage.  We’ve stopped and now we have a decision to make.  Given that you know your vessel is trying to achieve, you have no excuses and no right to complain if you end up feeding the vessel and feeling negative. If you are consciously aware of what you are doing you are purposefully feeding your vessel sometimes. Our ego-mind probably kicks in now, no one wants to admit it.

I hear all the time that people have a block. That is something that is not in the subconscious mind because people can voice it so well that its in their conscious mind. It’s not a block, no fancy coaching language that you can wrap it in. It’s a choice because it’s in your conscious mind. That is why that is a heavy LPS success bomb. The question that I will ask next: If you still want to feed your vessel, why? Why would you want to feed your negative vessel consciously?

I’m going to leave that there and give you another example. If you are in a position to purchase first-class within your budget (and can easily afford), the vessel might prevent you from doing so and self-sabotage you to purchase economy, thus leading to negative emotions again of resentment and frustration.

It’s now telling you to not do it, even though you can. The vessel might say you don’t deserve to fly first class. Who do you think you are to fly first class? Stop being so fancy, people will hate you for flying first class. Again it’s not about the flights, the vessel’s sole goal is to make you feel deprived, rejected or out of control.

Is your vessel preventing you from taking an action to help you, or also making you take inaction that is not serving you. Another example of the client I was just telling you about, was once she had stopped, she had a choice when scheduling future meetings. To check in on who was making the decision and then to ACT the same with the same results or differently with a different result.

She could make the decision and ACT to plan in her schedule so that she had time for lunch or food prep in advance.  Or that she didn’t have too many late meetings so she would miss dinner and overeat late in the evening.  You see this is where the LPS success bomb comes back to it, it was her choice once she was aware.  She could choose to keep doing the same behaviour, which for her allowed her to self-sabotage into the future… or she could choose to not feed the vessel and know she had enough time for her in her personal life to achieve her goals.

Let’s pull this all together:

Now that you are Aware, you can STOP what you are doing and Act DIFFERENTLY.

And what do we get when we stop feeding our vessel and let them die?

• No more going again your better judgement
• No more critical voice in your head
• No more reckless decisions
• No more low self-esteem
• No more feeling rejected
• No more feeling empty
• No more feeling stuck in a loop
• No more self-sabotage

In short no more of those old behaviours that kept the vessel alive and defined you. To do this work, you have to consciously realise what you are doing keeps you stuck. Do this work the ASA, Aware, Stop and Action for as long as it takes to kill your vessel and be free of self-sabotage.

The truth can be uncomfortable and lean into it. If you are consciously aware of your self sabotaging behaviours and you continue to do them, friend, there has to be a net positive impact of you doing this, for you to keep on doing this.  And in finding what the positive is, can be the key to unlocking and stopping the self-sabotaging behaviours. I’m going to keep this episode short, as I know that it is powerful and know, friend, that I’m proud of you as to look at why you are self-sabotaging and how to overcome it.

If you're looking for support to move your business and life forward, you can work with me in the following ways:

Firstly a 90 minute on demand session, for a super boost of top-line strategy for how to kick off your 2022 for success.

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And if you are ready to work together 121, then why not come and listen to the podcast over on Apple Podcasts called Wielding Legacy