How do I know if my love is interested in me or my money?

Does this sound familiar to you.

You've recently gone on a date. And then in the first half an hour, you run through what both of you do for a living, which is of course a completely reasonable question.

You may try and dial down exactly that success that you currently have, so you do not seem too overwhelming. However, your date seems immediately suppressed and changes their energy as soon as you told them of your success.

Maybe a little too impressed in fact. You were getting the feeling that your success, that your money, that your status was more of an attraction than you were?

You may have had a feeling at an instinct or gut level. That you thought this person was more interested in your success than you if you had no success.

Of course, you're proud of your success. And you want to share it with the love of your life.

So how do you figure out if your date or the person you're currently interested in is interested in you, or if they are after your money?

1. Let go of your need to impress them with your success.

Ultimately, the goal is to attract someone who's emotionally stable, completely confident in who they are as themselves, for them to be a partner and an equal in your relationship.

If you are using your money, your success or even power to compensate for potential lack of self-esteem, you will attract that which you do not want.

You can inadvertently be using your money, your success and your power as a form of manipulation. Previous clients of mine have purchased their partners lavish gifts, paid rent, and funded new business opportunities, just to keep the relationship going.

If you are using your money, your success, or your family’s successful status, to entice a mate; do not be surprised if a partner is understanding these signals differently than you intended.

2. Define what you are looking for in a relationship. 

The number one point of this article is to help if you are looking for love. I suggest working with a coach, therapist or psychologist to ascertain the type of relationship you are looking for. If you are looking for a long term partner, be aware to not send out signals that you're just looking for some fun.

3. Don't overspend on the first date. 

With a new romantic love interest, we can be looking to impress. Ask yourself the question; is your money, success and status doing the talking for you on your first date? Rather than talking about your values, dreams and goals.

Remind yourself that the first dates are there to establish a bond between the two of you, not to establish the balance of any bank accounts or success you may have.

4. Ask questions and listen.

In any healthy and strong relationship, there is a duality that exists between the partners. If in your relationship, one person is overpowering in the sense of rituals being created and of power dominance, then ask yourself; is this the equal relationship and partner I'm seeking for myself?

Also pay careful attention to the nature of the questions being asked, particularly when on a first date. It will give you an indication from a prospective partner of how much their self-worth is intrinsically tied to the status of the people that they have previously dated, rather than the character traits of those that they have fallen in love with.

5. Do they have a strong sense of self-worth outside of the relationship? 

The foundations of a sound relationship are that both individuals as entities in their own right are strong, self-confident, and full of self-love. That both parties bring to the relationship strengths that, when combined, equal greater than the sum of those individual parts.

With your partner, ask questions of yourself as to whether their sense of self-worth is intrinsically tied to your success/money. Or whether it exists independently of you. 

Ultimately it's very difficult when dating to segment the individual parts of a self. So when someone is attracted to you, they are attracted to your success, they are attracted to the person who has created their success. And some of that success maybe money. Of course, you also actually want to be physically attracted to one another too.

As the dating progresses, an event that comes up once an engagement has been made that I often work with clients on is relationship and communication issues around prenups.

If you are unsure as to whether your partner is with you just for your money, then listen to that gut intuition that you have. Take responsibility and ask yourself; why are you attracting or in a relationship with somebody who is not seeking to be an equal partner?

As always, LPS is here to create tailored, discrete programs with one goal in mind; to help clients unlock their inherent internal power to live a free and contented life.

Love,

Laura